Preparing Baby for Daycare

Transitioning a baby to daycare doesn't begin when you hand your infant off on the first day to your provider. It starts waaaaay before then. 

For your peace of mind, your child care provider's ability to provide quality care, and your infant's emotional and physical comfort, there are several things that need to be accomplished long before that first day of child care.

For a successful transition:

• Baby must be bottle trained
• Baby must be able to nap well in the crib or pack-n-play your provider uses
• Baby must be used to safe sleep practices
• Baby must be able to fall asleep on own
• Baby must be able to spend time not being held
• Baby should be able to self-soothe to some degree by 4 months

It is very easy while on maternity leave, especially with your first child, to breast feed exclusively, hold your baby all the time, let your baby fall asleep on the breast, and hold your baby while sleeping. You want that closeness and to spend as much time as possible with your infant. 

Unfortunately, all these things set your infant up for having a very rough transition to a daycare situation, and possibly the loss of your daycare position. Even if you have a wonderful and attentive provider, they have other children to take care of as well. Lunch must be made, diapers changed, altercations mediated, learning taught. One infant can not consume 100% of a provider's time and attention. 

A parent and infant that expects or demands that, will need to find a provider willing and able to accommodate those needs. Since sleep practices are regulated by licensing, that can mean needing an in-home nanny who is not under the same regulations, or an illegal provider. A quality licensed provider will not be placing an infant at risk, even at the parent's request.

BOTTLE TRAINING

The earlier you introduce the bottle, the better the result. As soon as good breastfeeding is established, the introduction of a bottle a few times a week will help your infant transition to day bottle feeding during child care much easier. Introduction just a few days or even weeks prior to going into daycare, will be a struggle. I currently have a 15 week baby that took more than 3 weeks of daily 3 bottles a day training to even BEGIN to take the bottle with any level of success. She was exclusively breastfed while mom was home. She had never had a bottle and refused that plastic nipple even being near her mouth. Quite vocally. Starting earlier is easier. For everyone, including your baby. 

Baby should be taking a bottle on the same schedule as they will at daycare, at minimum, the last two weeks before transitioning into care. If there will be no option for you to come breast feed, there shouldn't be any option of that at home those last two weeks, either. 

Even if you plan to breastfeed every feeding at your child care provider's, your baby should still be bottle trained unless you can GUARANTEE that you will be able to make those feedings. No meetings that go over, no late phone calls, no car accidents or bad traffic in your commute, etc. You can't leave a hungry baby screaming with your provider with no way for them to accommodate your child's needs. 

Keep in mind that exclusive breastfeeding also means your baby will have a very difficult time if you get sick or in an accident, they get sick and need to go into a hospital, you want to go out for an evening or go away for a weekend, you need to take certain medications if you get sick, or would like to have alcohol every once in a while and be able to pump-and-dump for 24 hours afterward. 

Very few infants have "nipple confusion" after breastfeeding is established at about the 4 week mark. They want their mom connection and the taste and feel of the breast, and will go between bottle and breast with little fuss once trained. 

Once baby is old enough to have an opinion, it can be difficult to bottle train. There are some tricks:

• Provide a nipple that mimics mom's breast and nipple size OR
• Provide a nipple that is similar to their pacifier if they use one
• As with a binky, begin by just having them play with it in the mouth
• Have dad or someone else give the bottle
• Give the bottle in a position other than the one for breastfeeding
• Give the bottle when you know baby is hungry
• Try holding a shirt or blanket with mom's smell next to baby's head
• If baby refuses to take breastmilk from a bottle, try formula. If formula works, gradually mix it with breastmilk in increasing quantities until baby is back to taking breastmilk exclusively.
• Make sure bottle is warm enough, it needs to be body temperature

What causes problems: 

• Not starting early
• Not starting early enough to have it completed in time for care
• Liking that baby only wants mom, not fair to baby
• Not pumping prior to care to know how much can be produced and creating a back up supply of frozen breast milk
• Assuming baby will take a bottle from the provider, in a new environment with new sights, sounds, smells and people, when baby is already stressed from starting at a new place

Most providers require infants to be bottle trained prior to starting care.

HOLDING

I hold my infants to 4 months as much as possible. I have a lot of experience and am able to do almost everything with an infant in my arms. When not in my arms, the infant is in their carrier, pack-n-play or bouncer right next to me. I am able to talk and interact with the baby at all times. However, I can't hold them the entire time. They must be okay with the separation and just being close, seeing my face and hearing my voice.

 

Your baby needs tummy time and to spend time near, but off, of you. Holding an infant 24/7 is fine for the first weeks, but they need to build the muscles for rolling and that takes time down on the floor. They need to know that not being held is not being abandoned and to be okay with it.

Over 5 months, a baby should be on the floor most of the time. Spending time on the floor with a constantly changing variety of toys and sensory items is what builds physical strength, proprioception sense, vestibular balance, crossing-the-midline ability, cognitive connections, resiliency, cause/effect understanding, visual acuity, and so many more developmental markers. Being held, sitting in a stationary exersaucer, and using any other contraption that holds an infant in a fixed position is detrimental to their growth and development. It is vitally important for their physical, mental, emotional and cognitive growth that they be allowed to spend time alone on the floor exploring and moving. 

What causes problems:

• Hold 24/7
• Expect provider to do the same
• Expect baby to be okay with not being held exclusively once in care, even though they are not okay with it at home [we are not magicians]
• Not providing tummy time and other physical growth opportunities so that once in care, baby is not developmentally able to perform at an age-appropriate level

SLEEPING

Legally, providers must practice safe sleep practices. Infants must be placed on their backs in a pack-n-play or crib to sleep with nothing more than a plain pacifier. Period. Sleeping in a carrier, bouncer, baby hammock or even in the arms can place the infant in danger of positional asphyxiation. 

If a baby is allowed to sleep on a parent's chest, laying face down for naps, the transition to care is going to be VERY difficult. You've got a level of warmth, heart beat sound, face-down position, smell and body feel all to overcome before the infant can sleep in a daycare situation. This is SO far outside of how the infant will need to be taking naps at daycare, that it is very difficult to overcome once this becomes the baby's norm. 

NOOOOooooo!

Establishing your care situation as early as possible, you can find out if your future provider will be using a crib or pack-n-play, which music or white noise they use, level of light in the nap area, etc. so that you can mimic those factors as early as possible to get your infant comfortable with how they will be sleeping in care.

We often can't take the time to rock them to sleep, and we can't allow them to fall asleep on the bottle. We need to be able to place them in their crib or pack-n-play, on their back, and have them go to sleep with reassurance and soft touches.

Even the most chill daycare will have crying babies, screaming toddler drama, bickering preschoolers. Add in some banging, music, chatter, etc. and daycare is NOT a quiet place. Infants, especially for morning nap, must be able to sleep through noise. Putting them down in a quiet room by themselves all the time is setting them up for sleep problems at daycare. At minimum, have music or TV playing while they sleep in the morning and go about your regular activities. My infants sleep through the vacuum, dogs barking and all the other noises that go on here.  

What causes problems:

• Letting baby fall asleep on the breast or bottle 
• Holding baby in any manner while sleeping
• Not putting baby to sleep in a crib or pack-n-play as will be required at daycare, especially for naps, while at home
• Not practicing safe sleep practices/back-2-sleep
• Swaddling beyond 2 months when daycare can't
• Using a white noise your provider can't replicate
• Using a Wubbanub, blanket, or other lovey for sleep time that can't be used at daycare for sleep
• Having baby sleep in a quiet environment

SELF-SOOTHING

Parents, especially new parents, are quick to pick up and soothe at every peep their infant makes. Soothing is not at all bad, but when infants associate any little discomfort or irritation with being held, cuddled, rocked, cooed and entertained, it doesn't allow the natural progression of self-soothing. "Babies who can self-soothe sleep for longer periods and have longer total sleep times at night." Infants should begin to learn to self-soothe at 3-4 months and a 6 month old should have the ability.

A child care provider may be dealing with another child when baby starts to fuss, and unless the infant is in emotional distress, the infant may have to wait their turn.

Helping with self soothing:

• Give the opportunity for your infant to self-soothe by not immediately jumping in to "fix" the situation
• Watch for self-soothing behavior and only step in if the baby seems to be escalating in need for assistance
• If necessary, soothe with sounds, words and soothing touch [gentle pats, back rub] rather than holding, rocking  and full physical contact when possible

What causes problems:

• Respond with soothing to every little peep their infant makes
• Soothing with breast/bottle feeding
• Soothing immediately with picking up rather than sounds, words or touch first

SCHEDULE

I've seen mom blogs say that you need to get your baby on a schedule before they go into care. I disagree. A good provider is aware of developmentally appropriate practice and one of those practices is that infants are allowed to eat and sleep on demand. Especially until 6 months. At 6 months babies generally navigate into a regular schedule. However, this will always be at the whim of teething, gas, growth phases, changes in family schedule, any time away from parents or in a new environment, changes to routine, etc. Never get complacent with an infant schedule. As soon as you do, it will change.

The rhythms of a daycare setting are very different from the ones at home, and while a general schedule of morning nap, eating every 2-3 hours and afternoon nap are in play, schedules are never meant to be rigid for infants. Even older children often have different sleep needs when in a growth phase. I had a 5 year old who hadn't napped in a year suddenly start needing one when he took a massive growth spurt of an inch in a month. Your provider will want to know what the general schedule has been at home will try to accomodate that to some extent. More so, the provider will look to your baby for cues of hunger and tiredness and respond accordingly. 

Forcing your infant to stay up, go hungry, or pushing your baby to eat when it is full, is not appropriate. Babies need what they need when they need it. 

CONCLUSION

When all of these things are in place, your infant and provider can focus on building an emotional bond, a trust bond. Your infant can focus on becoming familiar and comfortable with the new environment in a state of being well rested with a full tummy. Having those basic needs met with little to no issue, will make the transition a MUCH easier one, on your baby, your provider, and YOU.

When in doubt, ask yourself, "Would I be doing this if I had six children?" 

If your answer is no, and you plan for your baby to go into daycare, then your parenting should, at least most of the time, help your baby prepare for a child care setting.

Siblings Blessing or Burden

A conversation with a client this week:

"How did he do with having his baby brother here today?"

"Fine." 

"I was afraid he would try to do too much. He's very responsible with him and likes to help out." 

"I let him know right off that the baby was MY job and MY responsibility and that if I needed him to help out as teacher's helper, which is his job this week, that I would let him know. He went merrily off to play."

You may think that siblings are a gift of one to another. That can be true. However, they are often a burden and that burden is created by adults.

One of the best gifts you can give an older child is to say about their younger sibling:

"He is NOT your job. 

He is NOT your responsibility."

I have heard so often, "Take care of your baby brother!" as a parent leaves. Seriously, that is the last thing they say as they walk out through the door. A 3 or 4 year old child is left with that as their parent's final farewell. 

It is a massive burden. 

It strips away your older child's childhood.

Children do naughty things. Children get hurt. Children get hungry or sad or frustrated and cry. As adults we know we can't make a child's life perfect for them, but a young child has no clue and just gets anxious, frustrated, fearful and depressed when they understand the futility and POWERLESSNESS of the position they have been tasked with by their parent.

It is not a good thing for either child. 

1. It teaches the older child to lie. If it is his responsibility, then he will do anything to make sure the younger sibling doesn't get into trouble. This means lying about what happens, usually blaming another, innocent, child.

2. The older child will do anything to make the younger child happy. That often means assisting them in participating in something physical the older child is doing, which can be dangerous or inappropriate for the younger one. The helping can take the form of lifting the child or in other ways manhandling the child that could cause harm, or placing them higher or on more precarious places than a younger child should be accessing. 

By getting into physical positions with help, the younger child doesn't build the necessary skills to do so independently safely, and by not getting there himself, he lacks any knowledge of how to get out or down, let alone safely. Helping a child do anything physical is always a bad idea. They need to get there on their own, with some coaching, not physical manipulation. 

3. Also in making the younger child happy, the older one may sneak foods, steal toys from others, harm other children to allow their younger sibling to have an undeserved turn at an activity and in many way undermine the foundations of a good community. 

The older sibling wouldn't be doing this without the weight of responsibility, so it is turning a perfectly good child into one who is doing not good things, and developing not good habits. 

The younger sibling, on the other hand, is learning that she can get what she wants whenever she wants, doesn't have to wait, how to bully, and getting spoiled.

This week:

"[Mr. H], that is NOT her toy. Just because she wants it doesn't mean she gets it. It is not your job to make your sister happy, but it IS your job to follow the rules and be a nice person. Please give that back to him."

4. The older sibling spends so much time worrying and care taking over the younger child that they lose the ability to just play, be with their friends, and relax. They are constantly on the lookout for the younger one, and constantly intervening whenever anything goes even a bit sideways. 

The younger sibling doesn't learn proper coping mechanisms, patience, and social norms. Gaps can emerge in their development when the younger one is pushed by the older one into participating at a higher level before ready. The younger one isn't allowed to develop at their natural pace.

Yesterday:

Mr. R to his friends: "I can't play right now, I need to get [baby brother] calmed down."

Me across the room: "He is NOT your responsibility. He's mine. He's fine. His bottle is almost ready. Go play."

5. When things go wrong, and they will go wrong, the older sibling feels responsible. He wasn't watching close enough, he wasn't near enough, he wasn't good enough to keep the younger sibling from getting hurt, either physically or emotionally. 

Couple that with a parent or adult that immediately demands harshly of the older sibling, "What happened?" It makes that burden even weightier. The proper response is to take care of the younger one, reassure the older one, and casually ask the older one if he saw what happened without a harsh grilling.

6. I have seen parents punish an older child for what a younger one did. Why? "You are old enough you should have stopped him or at least come and told me what he was doing!" Again, making the older child responsible, rather than acknowledging their own lack of parental supervision. 

It isn't fair to rely on a 3-6 year old to supervise an infant - 5 year old. There are plenty of videos on Youtube showing what children can get up to when left unsupervised. GOOD KIDS. For just a few minutes. Be the adult. Supervise your own children or hire someone else to do it. Take parental responsibility and don't lay it in any way in your older child's direction.

I, my brother and mom

I know many adults who hold resentment, and even trauma, due to a burdensome responsibility for their sibling(s) placed upon them by the adults in their lives. It can not only alter and even eliminate a happy, content childhood, it can change a person for life. 

I have a friend whose little brother died from a drug overdose when they were teens. She still blames herself nearly 50 years later for not being able to intervene enough to save him. She was tasked with taking care of her brother from an early age.

Give your child the gift of a sibling, not the burden.
parenting, parents, pre-k, sister, brother, sibling rivalry, development, child care, childcare, daycare, preschool, toddlers

Communication in Child Care

Communication between child care providers and parent clients is vitally important, and often lacking. The relationship between parents and providers needs to be a clear PARTNERSHIP. All good relationships are based in good communication.

You can't fix a problem you don't understand.

You can't be fully compassionate or patient when you don't understand the motivation.

I have two sets of clients that came to me complaining that the main reason they were leaving their previous provider was due to lack of communication. Both said that each day all the discussion given was a simple, "had a great day!" Then at home when the child wouldn't eat or sleep like usual, was more fussy or defiant than usual, the parents had no clue what could have caused it.

While parents may not appreciate a detailed listing of all their child's transgressions throughout the day, especially when they just got through with work and are not looking forward to the evening drill, it is important that everyone understands and focuses on the child and his/her well-being.

Open communication needs to be created by the provider. Parents do not want to anger a provider who has their child's well-being in their hands for most of each day. 

Many parents and providers simply do not have a personality that allows them to be communication instigators. But as providers, it is a requirement of our business that we learn and practice good communication skills.

Communication levels and methods need to be not only open, but negotiated. I just had a newborn start and I talked with the parents about what I needed and what the parents needed regarding information and communication. I let them know I could give them as little or as much as they needed to feel comfortably informed. Since they are former clients, and our partnership and trust is well established, they need much less from me than a brand new set of clients probably would need.

They decided to send a text when they feed before coming so I know when he'll need another feeding, and they change the infant before coming here as a given. At the end of the day I give them a quick verbal rundown to let them know if he was fussy any, had any tummy issues, how he slept, how many dirty diapers and if wet was good. 

They preferred a verbal rather than written or texted daily review. Their previous provider texted both of them throughout the day what was going on, and it was bothersome to them at work, but they didn't know how to tell her and didn't feel comfortable doing so.

A friend complained recently to me that her center teacher at pick-up time always said her child had "a great day!" But when talking to her child, it was anything but. After hearing that her child had a great day, and then finding a knot on her child's head due to being pushed, my friend went in to talk to the director. 

The pick-up time teacher was only with the children the last couple of hours, and didn't communicate or relay any information from the lead teacher. My friend never saw the lead teacher at drop-off or pick-up, so had absolutely no idea what was actually going on throughout the day. The director offered no apologies or solutions. My friend was thankful her child was old enough to talk, and was talking to me because she is looking for other care options.

Providers need to relay factual detailed incident information, not a general feeling or overreaching label. It should NEVER label a child, only the behavior. "He was a pretty bad boy today," does not tell a parent much and attacks the child's identity. "He hit a child with a dinosaur when I asked him to put it away before lunch," says what happened and gives an indication of why without making assumptions. 

It leaves open that it could have been retaliatory, he could have been hungry or tired, etc. It still wasn't appropriate behavior, but gives more information which leads to more understanding of the situational aspect of the behavior. It also identifies a short period of inappropriate behavior rather than overreaching to include the whole day.

Providers also need to not take parents' concerns as a personal attack, criticism, or complaint. It is a concern about an issue that needs to be addressed. If a discussion devolves into this type of conversation, then it needs to be re-focused on the issue and solutions, not blame or attack. Someone has to be the bigger person and keep a clear and level head.

It is your business. You can run it as you wish and those parameters need to be clear in your Policies and Procedures and your clients need to be thoroughly briefed on those before even an interview is conducted. Policy and procedure issues should have very little contention if presented properly prior to contract. 

Issues that will arise that need to be addressed should revolve around the child, the school and home environments, home schedule changes, expectations of the child and developmental issues.

Last evening, Monday, I spent over half an hour discussing behavior issues with one of my parents. The child had had a couple of rough days at both school and home and we were trying to determine the source. Behavior in young children always has a source. The first behavior we discussed was his obsessive ownership over specific toys. 

While this child has obsessive tendencies, it was unusual for him to be so invested in ownership and, at 3 1/2, throwing screaming tantrums when any other child came near him or played with the items after he abandoned interest. 

I had been thinking about it and had come to the conclusion it had to be something that happened over the weekend to spark this behavior. Mom had been thinking about it and thought it may have been that they had children over to visit over the weekend. 

As we talked, it came about that we agreed that:

• The parents had violated the "new Corvette" rule: they had forced him to share a brand new toy that he had worked for and was extremely special to him.
• The visiting children had been allowed to play in his room, invading his space and making him feel violated.
• He was forced to share his toys and space without limit or discussion.

We discussed that next time children visited that:

• Communal toys should be ones he held no possession over, ones kept just for that purpose of playdates and/or ones that he had abandoned and had little interest in or knowledge of owning.
• Playdates should be in a public area like a living room rather than private like his bedroom. The child can invite the other children into his personal space, but it should be at his invitation with no encouragement or coercion by parents.
• Discussion should be made about any special toys the child might want to have put away for the visit or ones he would truly like to share.
• My solution for here at school, was simply to remove the toys he was obsessing about. One of which, was his "new Corvette" dinosaur that he had to now leave at home.

We also discussed that though the parents' personalities were very open and social, that their child's personality was NOT, to their extent, and that they needed to recognize and respect their child's personal limits and boundaries. 

I discuss things like this with parent clients ALL. THE. TIME. Once we each understand the issue, and come up with some workable solution(s), then the child benefits, as well as everyone in the child's community. The consistency in expectations, and the core value of the child's mental and physical health being forefront between provider and parents, makes the child's life much richer and happier.

Another one of the moms, who I don't see regularly, was in for pick-up last week and brought up a couple of concerns about her son. We just stood around bouncing ideas and theories off of one another for about half an hour, and afterward, we felt we had a good understanding of what was going on and what could be done at school and home to make things better.

Issues that I have discussed with parents recently: the possibility of a preschooler having an auditory processing disorder, a toddler not sleeping through the night and night terrors, a baby wetting out even though the diaper size was upped a size, defiant rule breaking at home and school, a child self-identifying as bad when he doesn't get that information from school or home, potty training prep, a child's recent balance issues, consistency between school and home of vocabulary introduction and sign language for the 11-month-old. 

The children are very comfortable with ALL the parents,
and all the parents are comfortable with all the children.

Communication from me comes regularly through emailed newsletters/notifications, texts, Facebook posts, Youtube video posts, blog posts and verbal daily discussions both mornings and evenings. Clients are welcome to hang out here at any time during school hours, but I will put them to work as teacher's helpers. Clients are also welcome to meet with me after hours to discuss skill development and discipline issues more thoroughly with both parents present without the child[ren]. 

In Reggio, we are all about community, and that is between the children, but also between the children and the other families' members, including extended families, and me. I am on Facebook with most of my current and former clients, many of the grandparents, and some of the aunts and uncles. We have regular dinners where everyone can get to know one another, and often the families get together on the weekends for playdates and outings. This sense of community, which is sorely lacking in young children's lives these days, builds a trust and security that helps them be happier children and better citizens. 

It all begins with good communication.

Child Care Checklist

PDF

1. Gives parents a chance to determine what THEIR desires, expectations and absolute must-haves are for the child care position for which they are interviewing providers

2. Gives a good checklist for comparing providers they interview, rather than relying on memory or in-complete notes

3. Gives parents a more thorough checklist of interview topics than they probably would have come up with on their own, especially first time parents.

4. Provides providers and centers a checklist to see where their strengths lie, and where they could possibly improve their program to be more competitive, or to be more clear in presenting their program to potential clients

5. Provides a comparison tool for checking out your competition and rating it against your program.

This was a quick put-together, so feel free to comment with additions, deletions, questions, suggestions.

Parents are always asking me what makes a great child care situation. I can't answer that, because every family, every care giver, every family situation and every child is very different. I do believe that the best situation will be a marriage of beliefs and philosophies on child rearing between a child care provider and the parents/guardians of the child. 

I think that personality matches are also important, that all parties feel open to be themselves and express their opinions and concerns freely.


Beyond that, there are some key elements that most parents would like to see in their child care situation. 

At this time, it should be standard that home providers get at minimum:

• 10 paid vacation days
• 5 paid time off [PTO] days for sickness or appointments
• Paid major holidays 

Child care, especially home care, is a long, stressful day. Most providers are open a minimum of 50 hours a week and put in 10-20 hours a week in addition to that on cleaning, maintenance, shopping, curriculum, etc. It is VITAL that they have time off to re-charge and get away. 

Without it being paid, many providers will not take time off, and it is to their AND YOUR CHILD's detriment if they do not get some down time. I TRY to submit my time off a minimum of 3 months out so that my clients can make other arrangements. 

I personally don't take MLK or President's day, but other providers take their birthday, their child's birthday, Good Friday, etc. Our business, we can do that! When my brother was doing care, his contract had that he got off on Halloween every year, his favorite holiday.

Here in Kansas, regulations have become so restrictive that it is nearly impossible to get back-up providers who can come in while we go to doctor or dentist appointments. PTO days are becoming a necessity. 

My contract basically states that the clients have read and agree to my Policies & Procedures.

I belong to a child care marketing group. I don't need to market mine, I'm full for 3 years with a wait list at this point and have clients trying to plan pregnancies around my future openings. But I love to mentor others, and I do have some corporate marketing experience, and friends and clients with marketing backgrounds. One of the key aspects to marketing is knowing your strengths and weaknesses and those of your competition. 

Hopefully, this checklist will help parents and providers better assess a child care situation.

Cloth Diapers & Child Care

I hope you enjoyed Jessica's guest post on Cloth Diaper Ins and Outs. This is a follow up from a child care provider's perspective.

TIPS & TRICKS

In general, cloth diapers are pretty much the same as disposables. Same general routine and diapering procedures. There are a few things I keep in mind, however.

I have to store the diapers and liners. Yes you have to store disposables as well, but those stack up neatly or are in plastic sleeves. For cloth, I use an IKEA plastic bin that stores the diapers and a roll of liners. I take the diapers out each morning and place them into the bin and hang the wet bag on the bathroom door.

I can't wipe with a cloth diaper the same as with a disposable. Most poop can be wiped off with a disposable, but if you do that with a cloth diaper, you get more poop on it than necessary, which you don't want. I keep a roll of toilet paper handy and will use that to remove the majority of the mess prior to using wipes. Otherwise, you will use a dozen plus wipes. I just plop the toilet paper into the toilet, since I change them on a pad on the floor of the bathroom. [State likes for the bathroom stuff to all be in the bathroom, and a pad on the floor saves my back from lifting 2 year olds.]

I need to think more about changing order. I change all of them at the same time, usually. If using gloves, it doesn't really matter, but I don't. I use a plastic bag for the nasties. I turn it inside out to grab the soiled liner off the cloth diaper, so I need to do the cloth diaper child first. Then I do the others and put the soiled disposables into the same bag.

I need to prepare the diaper before taking the other one off. This is basically true of disposables as well. However, pulling a liner off the roll requires two hands. laying out the diaper requires two hands, getting the snaps together takes two hands. If you have squirmy child, things can get messy fast. I always lay out the diaper with liner on top prior to laying the child down on the pad. I can put a disposable on one handed while holding a child in place, not so with a cloth diaper.

I need to be considerate of the parents and place very poopy diapers into a plastic bag. This lets them know that it will need additional attention and not just be tossed into the laundry. The plastic bag goes into the wet bag.

I need to keep in mind that it is against state regulations for me to do any more with a soiled diaper than is absolutely necessary. I can't pull out absorbency inserts, wash out poop, or do anything that could increase contamination of the space.

The parents have to bring the diapers daily. We start out the week with 5. Usually I use 3-4 a day at this point, 20 months old, depending on how late nap goes. They take the soiled ones each evening and bring me a corresponding amount back the next morning in a clean wet bag. I keep one spare in his clothes cubby and have a few disposables as back up.

The parents have to supply diaper rash cream. Most creams will lower the absorbency of the cloth diapers, so they are required to provide one appropriate for the diapers.

MY FAVORITES & NOT SO FAVORITES

Wet Bags: My favorites are the Kanga Care wet bags. They are about three times as roomy as the envelope style. It is SOOOO much easier to get soiled diapers into it. It can hold a days worth easy, along with any soiled clothing. The envelope styles barely hold a days worth of soiled diapers, and it can get messy trying to stuff them into the smaller opening. I would love to have a Kanga Care one for every child, especially when we have wet swimsuits in the summer. 

There's just really no comparison. I'm always happier to see the Kanga Care bags.

Diapers: My favorite, especially for boys, is Bum Genius. Each diaper brand has a different liner/insert configuration. Some have one long liner that is doubled over, some have snap in liners, some have a single pocket liner, etc. Bum Genius have full reach dual pockets, one on each side. What I like about this is that with inserts, you can double the absorbency as they grow older. For boys, I can double up the front liner at nap, when they are usually sleeping on their stomachs over 18 months, and are more likely to pee out because of it, giving me 3 layers of absorbency even without inserts.

I DO NOT LIKE AT ALL the GroVia brand. They are so much narrower than the other brands and they snap front to back rather than back to front like disposables. The liners are much more narrow, and they have the single doubled over liner, Since I've been using disposables for over 30 years, the backwards snapping alone drives me nuts. It's just...WRONG and irritates me that I have to think while changing a child's diaper, which is one of the most mindless tasks, and a time when I should be spending engaging with the child rather than being forced to THINK about what I'm doing. GroVia is on the right.

I am also not a fan of a coop/no-name brand that has a dark gray inside. They are the only ones I have had two pee-outs from. I no longer use them at nap time. Ever. 

Some more personal opinions: Happy Heiny has only a single liner, but is super absorbent. Smart Bottoms don't seem to hold enough pee for bigger kids. Blueberry Diapers are fine. 

Jessica has mentioned that the ones with the Velcro rather than snaps are easier for the little ones to get open, but that Velcro is pretty darn strong, and I don't mind it at all. I can see where it would be a problem if the diapers were washed with other linty clothing, but I don't mind them. Quick and easy rather than trying to align snaps. They are not as adjustable, so I would imagine the cost would be higher since they would only fit a more limited size range.  

Frankly, the only irritation with cloth diapers has been the GroVia brand of diapers. Otherwise, I have had no issues with using the cloth diapers whatsoever. 

I was very surprised that indeed, he has less diaper rash issues than the ones in disposables. These new "cloth" diapers have great absorbency and the PLO outer fabric holds everything in wonderfully. 

I would HIGHLY recommend them to parents. Providers, cloth diapers are really a non-issue. Cloth friendly is a great marketing tool that costs you nothing. Being cloth friendly is easy peasy. 

They can be expensive to start out with, but you can always make your own! Additional cloth diaper pins on my Baby Crafts Pinterest pinboard.


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Toddler 101

Toddler 101 is the expectations of performance and compliance to specific commands for behavior necessary towards the safety of the child and the smooth conduct of transitions. 

I will go over what those expectations are, how I teach them, why I teach them for child care situations, and why they are important for parents. 

Toddler 101 is one of the main reasons why we are complemented EVERY SINGLE TIME we go on outtings about how well behaved are Little Stars Learning students.

I started writing this post years ago, and frankly, my methods and expectations haven't changed. I have a newly enrolled 1 year old Mr. R, and Mr. L who is also 1 has been with me now for a few months. I'm once again convinced of the importance of Toddler 101.

I had a client who liked to play chase with her toddler. She would chase after him laughingly saying, "Stop! Come back here! I'm going to get you!" The child would laughingly run away from his mom.

See any issue with this?

Of course when he was two, he ran past her out the door and directly towards my busy street at rush hour. She's screaming at him to stop, come back. He laughed and ran on. I stepped out and said, "[Thomas!] Stop! Sit!" He did. On the sidewalk. Inches from the rushing traffic.

We were at my oldest son's graduation. My youngest was twenty months. As we chatted with family, each thinking that he was being watched, he wandered off and climbed 3/4 of a two story straight stair case in the lobby. As his dad ran up the stairs I said loudly, "Jacob! STOP! Stay!" He did. Going no higher, waiting for his dad.

It is that important. Life and death important. Toddlers' abilities far outweigh their mental capabilities or ability to self-impose limitations on impulses.

I was explaining to Mr. R's mom Toddler 101, and she said, "So, it's like with a dog?" Yep. The American Psychological Association equates the intelligence and understanding of a dog as being equivalent to that of a 2 year old human child. So for a 1-2 year old toddler, expectations of behavior and verbal understanding are the same. If you would expect your dog to understand it, then you can expect your toddler to understand it. If you would expect your dog to do it, then you can expect your toddler to do it.

It is not demeaning to have appropriate expectations for understanding and performance based upon a person's development, no matter what their age. As you would speak differently with an older person with dementia or a person with reduced mental faculties, so you should speak appropriately to toddlers WHEN YOU EXPECT COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING.

I do not speak to a 2 1/2 year old or older child in this manner. I do not speak to toddlers in one-word commands at any other time. Only when understanding and compliance of action is expected.

So what is Toddler 101?

It is a toolbox of commands that are easily taught, understood, performed and necessary. The are not over-used. They are stated in a firm, commanding voice that is easily recognized as expecting compliance.

How are they taught? Expectation, repetition, modeling, physical guidance.

When do I teach this? EVERY SINGLE TIME!! that it isn't done correctly. There are no exceptions. There can't be. If they get away with defiance even one time, then it will get exponentially more difficult to gain compliance at any level, especially instant compliance.

At 2 1/2 and above, most children gain a level of logic/reasoning capability that makes instant compliance unnecessary. You can say, "You can stand in that chair, but not that one. This one is sturdy, but that one will tip over." Toddlers DO NOT have that level of understanding. For them, everything must be strictly black and white. Do/don't do. 

I'll go through the commands one at a time. At school, I always start with their name, so that the child I am addressing is very aware of who I am directing the command towards.

DOWN
School: Toddlers love to climb. Often they want to climb on inappropriate things. Mr. L, today, managed to get half way up the big slide for the first time. I always expect them to do the unexpected, so while I was several feet away, I saw him and said, "DOWN!" He walked himself back down the slide, walked over to the smaller slide, looked at me, and I smiled and nodded. He played happily on the smaller slide. I also use this one at nap time to tell them to lie down.

Home: Mr. L has also been climbing onto the dining table at home. He knows he's not supposed to, but impulse control at 1yo is pretty much non-existent. He knows he shouldn't, but NOT doing it is nearly impossible. So, mom can say, "DOWN!" from across the room and stop the action in its tracks, rather than having to go to him, and coach him down. [Always coach them down safely rather than remove them, so they can do so when they sneak behind your back. Which they will.]

SIT
School: Sit in a chair rather than standing or kneeling. Sit down while I'm dealing with someone/something else. Sit down to eat, rather than wandering with hands full of spaghetti.

Home: Pretty much the same. Sit down in a restaurant, Sit down at church.

NO
School: Whatever you are doing, stop doing it and don't even think about doing it again. As with all of these commands, it is not over used. For instance, if I see a mouth going towards another child's body, it doesn't matter if their intention is to bite or not, it's a firm, "NO!" and they move away. If the child is reaching onto the counter for anything, it's a firm, "NO!" Mr. L started reaching into the toilet while I changed Mr. R today. It got a firm, "NO! Sit!"

Home: Too often home environments are not child-friendly. There are TOO many NOs. At home I always request that NO be used for absolutes: electronics, death-trap issues, etc. Pick your battles and as always, if a child needs to be told NO repeatedly for the same issue, then most likely the environment needs to be changed until they have better impulse control, around 2 1/2 years old.

STOP
School: It means freeze in place. We had a massive spider web next to the shed. I saw Miss L going towards it and yelled, "STOP." She did. I then told her what was there and she went around it. This is rarely used, but when it is, it is usually important and I say it to the group, not an individual, because it is something I need complete concentration upon or I need everyone to be aware of it, so I freeze the whole group.

Home: Parking lots, stores, restaurants, basically any public place that a child may run off or wander out of your comfortable physical distance or potentially into a dangerous situation.

HANDS UP
School: Most of the boys like to touch themselves during diaper changes. This can get really gross during a really nasty poopy one. HANDS UP means that they keep their hands higher than their neck during diaper changes. I also use it after finger painting as we walk to the sink, and after lunch when they have spaghetti or chili hands.

Home: May not be used as often at home, but imagine if they picked up something gross off the ground, etc. and you don't want them getting it on themselves, furniture, or in their mouths. Yeah. It's nice to have in the arsenal.

UP
School: At the end of nap, I say UP to get them to stand up in their pack-n-plays so I can get them out. I change them on a pad on the floor of the bathroom. When done, I say UP. It's convenience for me more than anything.

Home: Same. Have them stand up in their crib, etc. Toddlers can get very heavy. The easier they can make it on your back, the better.

GO
School: Leave the bathroom, leave the room, leave the kitchen area, go to another area of the room. They learn GO pretty quick. Following the finger I point in the direction they are TO GO, takes a lot longer.

Home: Ever take a hot pan out of the oven and find your toddler behind you? Yeah. Happens more often that you might think. GO is the answer. Find peering eyes as you try to go to the bathroom? GO!

QUIET/SHHHH
School: Trying to hear a phone call, older children trying to hear a video or music, children sleeping and someone is making stupid noises, reading a story and someone is talking/playing loudly. Child throwing a fit for no good reason. [Good reasons don't get shushed. Children are entitled to their valid emotions vs. drama for drama's sake.]

Home: Church, restaurant, phone call, etc.

I just threw in this pic because it's cute.

STAY
School: This is the hardest one to teach. The lack of impulse control is REALLY hard for toddlers. This one comes into play most often here during the winter months when I am trying to get everyone into winter wear and the toddlers want to strip as quickly as I can get it on them. Knowing, someone has to go potty at the last minute, or mittens can't be found, etc. and I just need them to SIT and STAY for 5 minutes. Pleeeeease. I used it the other day when the bigs were picking up and the toddlers were dumping bins faster than 4 preschoolers could pick up and the frustration level was getting out of control. I worked on the toddlers doing SIT and STAY while the bigs finished.

Home: Bringing groceries in and need your child to just sit for a few minutes while you go back and forth. Anytime you need them just STAY for a few minutes while you do something. Not often, but comes in handy when it is needed.

COME
School: I'm old and out of shape. There is NO WAY I'm going to chase down everyone over a 1/2 acre when I want them to come in or come to me. All mobile children are expected to come to me when I say COME. I also say, "Come change," when I want the diapered ones to come to the bathroom. I tore my rotator cuff carrying around large children. I don't do that anymore. If they are mobile, they can get there on their own.

Home: Just getting a child to move can sometimes be a challenge. They get side-tracked easily. Conditioning them to come at a simple command can be a huge frustration remover.

CLAP CALL TO ATTENTION
School: We have a large school yard. We have a lot of trees and street noise. My voice gets easily lost within the mix of theirs, their play, and everything else. When I clap, everyone stops and looks to me for direction. It's kind of like STOP without the urgency or importance, with the specific expectation that they all look to me. When I want them to all come in, I do a specific clap cadence. It saves my voice.

Home: This would probably work best with older children at home, when out of easy hearing and you want to give them some direction or call them back.

UH-UH
School: The most common sound I utter. It is a simple reminder that they are making un-wise choices and need to change their direction of behavior. Uh-uh will morph into a NO and then a VERY firm NO! before physical intervention of removal from the situation.

Home: I believe in giving children the opportunity to make wise choices, of giving subtle reminders when they are heading in the wrong direction so that they have the opportunity to change their course. Too often children are allowed to head in the wrong direction, then slammed with parental frustration when they cross some invisible line. That just isn't fair. Give children a heads-up when they are headed in the wrong direction. Toddlers have been on this earth for 1-2 years. Keep your expectations reasonable.

Consistency in expectations and limitations is necessary for children to trust their world and to make good choices. They are fully capable of doing so from a very early age. All it takes is teaching them the boundaries and expectations how to meet them.

The benefits of teaching Toddler 101 are mainly for safety reasons. Instant compliance to simple commands is crucial in an emergency situation, and toddlers are more likely to get into an emergency situation than any other age. 

Another benefit is that a toddler feels control in that they can understand and perform to meet expectations, receiving praise and confirmation. Without Toddler 101, this may happen much later in a child's life. Additionally, they learn how to LEARN. Toddler 101 is TAUGHT, through repetition and showing the child what to do to be successful and meet expectations. That is pretty powerful for a 1 year old. 

Sit, stay, come, go may seem like dog commands, but they are developmentally appropriate. Many parents want to baby their 1 year olds, but they are fully capable of meeting simple expectations and verbal direction. Don't minimize their capabilities. If taught Toddler 101, then they have some level of responsibility for their own actions and well-being.

Mr. R's dad hung out with us for a while this afternoon, and he was AMAZED that Mr. R responded so well to my commands, and said that they would DEFINITELY be working on those at home. I got back into this post for them.

You'll also find out a LOT about your toddler's personality when teaching Toddler 101 commands. I've taught more than a dozen toddlers. Each one is different. But they ALL learned the commands and responded accordingly. To me. To their parents, well, it's been a mixed bag of results. Consistency and an ingrained expectation of compliance are key. Good luck!

After Toddler 101 commands are mastered, we move on to Toddler 102. Toddler 102 is simple single directions: bring, pick up, put in, give, put back, not yours give back, nice touch...
Tags: daycare, child care, homeschooling, toddler, infant, teaching, baby, teaching, instruction, curriculum, expectations, parenting, parents, lessons, discipline, behavior,