Preparing Baby for Daycare

Transitioning a baby to daycare doesn't begin when you hand your infant off on the first day to your provider. It starts waaaaay before then. 

For your peace of mind, your child care provider's ability to provide quality care, and your infant's emotional and physical comfort, there are several things that need to be accomplished long before that first day of child care.

For a successful transition:

• Baby must be bottle trained
• Baby must be able to nap well in the crib or pack-n-play your provider uses
• Baby must be used to safe sleep practices
• Baby must be able to fall asleep on own
• Baby must be able to spend time not being held
• Baby should be able to self-soothe to some degree by 4 months

It is very easy while on maternity leave, especially with your first child, to breast feed exclusively, hold your baby all the time, let your baby fall asleep on the breast, and hold your baby while sleeping. You want that closeness and to spend as much time as possible with your infant. 

Unfortunately, all these things set your infant up for having a very rough transition to a daycare situation, and possibly the loss of your daycare position. Even if you have a wonderful and attentive provider, they have other children to take care of as well. Lunch must be made, diapers changed, altercations mediated, learning taught. One infant can not consume 100% of a provider's time and attention. 

A parent and infant that expects or demands that, will need to find a provider willing and able to accommodate those needs. Since sleep practices are regulated by licensing, that can mean needing an in-home nanny who is not under the same regulations, or an illegal provider. A quality licensed provider will not be placing an infant at risk, even at the parent's request.

BOTTLE TRAINING

The earlier you introduce the bottle, the better the result. As soon as good breastfeeding is established, the introduction of a bottle a few times a week will help your infant transition to day bottle feeding during child care much easier. Introduction just a few days or even weeks prior to going into daycare, will be a struggle. I currently have a 15 week baby that took more than 3 weeks of daily 3 bottles a day training to even BEGIN to take the bottle with any level of success. She was exclusively breastfed while mom was home. She had never had a bottle and refused that plastic nipple even being near her mouth. Quite vocally. Starting earlier is easier. For everyone, including your baby. 

Baby should be taking a bottle on the same schedule as they will at daycare, at minimum, the last two weeks before transitioning into care. If there will be no option for you to come breast feed, there shouldn't be any option of that at home those last two weeks, either. 

Even if you plan to breastfeed every feeding at your child care provider's, your baby should still be bottle trained unless you can GUARANTEE that you will be able to make those feedings. No meetings that go over, no late phone calls, no car accidents or bad traffic in your commute, etc. You can't leave a hungry baby screaming with your provider with no way for them to accommodate your child's needs. 

Keep in mind that exclusive breastfeeding also means your baby will have a very difficult time if you get sick or in an accident, they get sick and need to go into a hospital, you want to go out for an evening or go away for a weekend, you need to take certain medications if you get sick, or would like to have alcohol every once in a while and be able to pump-and-dump for 24 hours afterward. 

Very few infants have "nipple confusion" after breastfeeding is established at about the 4 week mark. They want their mom connection and the taste and feel of the breast, and will go between bottle and breast with little fuss once trained. 

Once baby is old enough to have an opinion, it can be difficult to bottle train. There are some tricks:

• Provide a nipple that mimics mom's breast and nipple size OR
• Provide a nipple that is similar to their pacifier if they use one
• As with a binky, begin by just having them play with it in the mouth
• Have dad or someone else give the bottle
• Give the bottle in a position other than the one for breastfeeding
• Give the bottle when you know baby is hungry
• Try holding a shirt or blanket with mom's smell next to baby's head
• If baby refuses to take breastmilk from a bottle, try formula. If formula works, gradually mix it with breastmilk in increasing quantities until baby is back to taking breastmilk exclusively.
• Make sure bottle is warm enough, it needs to be body temperature

What causes problems: 

• Not starting early
• Not starting early enough to have it completed in time for care
• Liking that baby only wants mom, not fair to baby
• Not pumping prior to care to know how much can be produced and creating a back up supply of frozen breast milk
• Assuming baby will take a bottle from the provider, in a new environment with new sights, sounds, smells and people, when baby is already stressed from starting at a new place

Most providers require infants to be bottle trained prior to starting care.

HOLDING

I hold my infants to 4 months as much as possible. I have a lot of experience and am able to do almost everything with an infant in my arms. When not in my arms, the infant is in their carrier, pack-n-play or bouncer right next to me. I am able to talk and interact with the baby at all times. However, I can't hold them the entire time. They must be okay with the separation and just being close, seeing my face and hearing my voice.

 

Your baby needs tummy time and to spend time near, but off, of you. Holding an infant 24/7 is fine for the first weeks, but they need to build the muscles for rolling and that takes time down on the floor. They need to know that not being held is not being abandoned and to be okay with it.

Over 5 months, a baby should be on the floor most of the time. Spending time on the floor with a constantly changing variety of toys and sensory items is what builds physical strength, proprioception sense, vestibular balance, crossing-the-midline ability, cognitive connections, resiliency, cause/effect understanding, visual acuity, and so many more developmental markers. Being held, sitting in a stationary exersaucer, and using any other contraption that holds an infant in a fixed position is detrimental to their growth and development. It is vitally important for their physical, mental, emotional and cognitive growth that they be allowed to spend time alone on the floor exploring and moving. 

What causes problems:

• Hold 24/7
• Expect provider to do the same
• Expect baby to be okay with not being held exclusively once in care, even though they are not okay with it at home [we are not magicians]
• Not providing tummy time and other physical growth opportunities so that once in care, baby is not developmentally able to perform at an age-appropriate level

SLEEPING

Legally, providers must practice safe sleep practices. Infants must be placed on their backs in a pack-n-play or crib to sleep with nothing more than a plain pacifier. Period. Sleeping in a carrier, bouncer, baby hammock or even in the arms can place the infant in danger of positional asphyxiation. 

If a baby is allowed to sleep on a parent's chest, laying face down for naps, the transition to care is going to be VERY difficult. You've got a level of warmth, heart beat sound, face-down position, smell and body feel all to overcome before the infant can sleep in a daycare situation. This is SO far outside of how the infant will need to be taking naps at daycare, that it is very difficult to overcome once this becomes the baby's norm. 

NOOOOooooo!

Establishing your care situation as early as possible, you can find out if your future provider will be using a crib or pack-n-play, which music or white noise they use, level of light in the nap area, etc. so that you can mimic those factors as early as possible to get your infant comfortable with how they will be sleeping in care.

We often can't take the time to rock them to sleep, and we can't allow them to fall asleep on the bottle. We need to be able to place them in their crib or pack-n-play, on their back, and have them go to sleep with reassurance and soft touches.

Even the most chill daycare will have crying babies, screaming toddler drama, bickering preschoolers. Add in some banging, music, chatter, etc. and daycare is NOT a quiet place. Infants, especially for morning nap, must be able to sleep through noise. Putting them down in a quiet room by themselves all the time is setting them up for sleep problems at daycare. At minimum, have music or TV playing while they sleep in the morning and go about your regular activities. My infants sleep through the vacuum, dogs barking and all the other noises that go on here.  

What causes problems:

• Letting baby fall asleep on the breast or bottle 
• Holding baby in any manner while sleeping
• Not putting baby to sleep in a crib or pack-n-play as will be required at daycare, especially for naps, while at home
• Not practicing safe sleep practices/back-2-sleep
• Swaddling beyond 2 months when daycare can't
• Using a white noise your provider can't replicate
• Using a Wubbanub, blanket, or other lovey for sleep time that can't be used at daycare for sleep
• Having baby sleep in a quiet environment

SELF-SOOTHING

Parents, especially new parents, are quick to pick up and soothe at every peep their infant makes. Soothing is not at all bad, but when infants associate any little discomfort or irritation with being held, cuddled, rocked, cooed and entertained, it doesn't allow the natural progression of self-soothing. "Babies who can self-soothe sleep for longer periods and have longer total sleep times at night." Infants should begin to learn to self-soothe at 3-4 months and a 6 month old should have the ability.

A child care provider may be dealing with another child when baby starts to fuss, and unless the infant is in emotional distress, the infant may have to wait their turn.

Helping with self soothing:

• Give the opportunity for your infant to self-soothe by not immediately jumping in to "fix" the situation
• Watch for self-soothing behavior and only step in if the baby seems to be escalating in need for assistance
• If necessary, soothe with sounds, words and soothing touch [gentle pats, back rub] rather than holding, rocking  and full physical contact when possible

What causes problems:

• Respond with soothing to every little peep their infant makes
• Soothing with breast/bottle feeding
• Soothing immediately with picking up rather than sounds, words or touch first

SCHEDULE

I've seen mom blogs say that you need to get your baby on a schedule before they go into care. I disagree. A good provider is aware of developmentally appropriate practice and one of those practices is that infants are allowed to eat and sleep on demand. Especially until 6 months. At 6 months babies generally navigate into a regular schedule. However, this will always be at the whim of teething, gas, growth phases, changes in family schedule, any time away from parents or in a new environment, changes to routine, etc. Never get complacent with an infant schedule. As soon as you do, it will change.

The rhythms of a daycare setting are very different from the ones at home, and while a general schedule of morning nap, eating every 2-3 hours and afternoon nap are in play, schedules are never meant to be rigid for infants. Even older children often have different sleep needs when in a growth phase. I had a 5 year old who hadn't napped in a year suddenly start needing one when he took a massive growth spurt of an inch in a month. Your provider will want to know what the general schedule has been at home will try to accomodate that to some extent. More so, the provider will look to your baby for cues of hunger and tiredness and respond accordingly. 

Forcing your infant to stay up, go hungry, or pushing your baby to eat when it is full, is not appropriate. Babies need what they need when they need it. 

CONCLUSION

When all of these things are in place, your infant and provider can focus on building an emotional bond, a trust bond. Your infant can focus on becoming familiar and comfortable with the new environment in a state of being well rested with a full tummy. Having those basic needs met with little to no issue, will make the transition a MUCH easier one, on your baby, your provider, and YOU.

When in doubt, ask yourself, "Would I be doing this if I had six children?" 

If your answer is no, and you plan for your baby to go into daycare, then your parenting should, at least most of the time, help your baby prepare for a child care setting.

10 Things to Discuss With Your Child Before the Family Christmas

For our Christmas party we make crafts, drink Grinch juice and hot cocoa, make gingerbread people and do a small optional gift exchange with dollar items. It’s an opportunity for the children, especially the 3.5yo+ children, to discuss and practice societal norms and expectations before heading to family events and the mayhem and high emotions involved.

It teaches:

1. Giving is hard, especially if the item being given is something you really want.

2. Gifts are new toys and you shouldn’t expect someone to be willing to share their new toys, and you may not want to share yours, either. And that's okay.

3. Wait your turn to unwrap a gift. It’s not WWF.

4. Unwrap with care, gifts can be broken.

5. Show gratitude when opening a gift. Someone put a lot of thought and effort into getting it especially for you.

6. It’s the thought that counts. Keep any displeasure at the gift to yourself.

7. Offer kisses, hugs, high five, handshake or a simple “Thank you” to the person who gave you the gift, depending upon your comfort level with the giver.

8. You may politely decline personal space invasion. “I don’t feel like a hug right now. May I shake your hand?” Understand that there may be people around you that are your family, but you don’t know them or know them well. They will want to show you their love, but it may be uncomfortable for you.

9. Ask consent before you invade a person’s personal space, especially little kids who may feel overwhelmed and may not know you well. “Can I give you a hug? Ok. How about a fist bump?”

10. If things get overwhelming, it’s ok to ask your parents for a retreat time to some place quiet for a few minutes to just talk it out and relax.

We also talk about that opening presents is about opening presents, not playing with presents. That time will come afterward.

They know about being responsible and picking up, but those lesson can be lost in the mayhem, so we talk about that, too.

A time of joy and family can be overwhelming to young children. I try to prep them a bit to handle it as gracefully as possible.

parenting, child care, daycare, preschool, pre-k, teaching, holiday, holidays, Christmas, xmas, kids, children, 

Reading Taught Wrong

I've done posts about how I teach reading. Now I want to do a comparison of what I think I do right compared to how I believe traditional instruction does it wrong. 

Can all my methods be incorporated into a traditional setting? 

Absolutely not. There is not the time. However, some of what I do can be, and should.

1. Expectation that children can read

Pretty much every developmentally on-track child can read by the age of 7 when they enter the next Piaget level of concrete operational. In many countries, reading instruction begins at the age of 7 when every child can be successful. Each child is unique. I've had children read at 3 and many more read at 5. However, EXPECTING every 5 year old to be able to read is not developmentally appropriate. Yet, we do that in this country. Under 7, it should be the child's choice and ability to read early, not an expectation. Under age 7, children are in the preoperational stage, where they CAN learn symbolic representations such as phonics and early sightwords.

Making their own books with markers
and cardboard to read to their friends

2. Teaching methods

Children under the age of 7-8 learn through movement and play. Which is how I teach early reading skills. Yet, traditional instruction has children sitting still and being instructed, which is again not developmentally appropriate.

3. Time and attention

Children have an attention span of, on average, one minute per age, increasing to 2 minutes at the age of 5. So a 5 year old has an attention span of about 10 minutes. This is greater if they are learning through play and movement and engaged in the activity. However, traditional teaching has them sitting in a group for up to 30 minutes and listening to a teacher or one another, or waiting their turn to read aloud. Again, not developmentally appropriate. My instruction takes no more than 5 minutes at any one time. The best is that they ASK for it, and they will choose to keep practicing and playing with it on their own after the lesson. Because, you know, it is FUN and ENGAGING, developmentally appropriate and at their skill level.

4. Skills introduction

Pre-reading skills are begun here from birth. Turning pages, left-right convention, one-to-one correspondence, crossing-the-midline ability, etc. I will use a baby's finger to point to the words as I read them. After doing this daily for 2 years, it is muscle memory for them to do it themselves. Kindergarten classrooms focus so much on reading, that they forget that there are pre-skills necessary for success. When those pre-skills are not embedded, reading is much more difficult.

5. Letter names

I could care less if a child knows an A is an "A". It has no bearing on reading. I do, however, care that a child learns the phonetic sound for an A, which is absolutely necessary in teaching reading.

6. Upper/lowercase letters

Uppercase letters comprise such a small percentage within print. I teach uppercase, lowercase and phonics simultaneously. Just as a child can learn mom, mama and mommy all have the same meaning, so can a child learn that A, a, and aaaa have the same meaning. Traditional methods often focus on a "Letter of the Day" or week. Again, random letter recognition has NO BEARING on reading, yet so much school time is wasted on this. Knowing that lowercase a stands for aaa DOES. It is the most important instruction, but done through meaningful experiences, not isolated instruction.

7. Phonics

Phonics are music. Traditional methods want to teach phonics as written symbols first, without recognizing that phonics are tones, lilts, blends of sound. They are magical sounds with meaning. Teaching them as this, brings them life and a richness that traditional methods simply don't engage. Much of my early reading skills learning is done through music. I start exposing phonics of lowercase letters to my kiddos at the age of 2 1/2. They often have them down by 3.

8. Giving meaning to symbols

Traditional instruction has children practicing phonics unconnected to anything engaging. They are taught as representatives of a letter symbol, and the letter phonics are taught individually, one letter at a time. Nothing engages a child more than attention to himself. By beginning spelling with children's names, they have an instant buy-in. We do it with their name songs each morning. After they do their spelling song for their name, we review the phonics. The children quickly learn how to spell their friends' names and how to sound them out. We sit in this stage for awhile.

Miss A 2yo, yeah, she did this

9. Timeline

As stated, we will sit in a learning stage for awhile to ensure that the children are fully engaged and have MASTERED a particular skill/stage before moving forward. Traditional methods push through a curriculum agenda, and poor readers are dragged along, often not mastering skills but sliding through.

10. Developmentally appropriate

Children up to age 7-8 learn through play and movement. Phonics here are learned through music and games. I will make a phonetic sound and the child will run and jump on the letter laying on the floor. Early reading instruction here begins with simple sightword sentences with a movement component and some silliness. "I am a ______." goes on the wall in large letters with dots under each word. Each child takes a turn reading the sentence and putting his finger on the dot for one-to-one correspondence, adding in the word. Whatever the word is the child chooses, the whole group acts it out. This adds an element of anticipation and surprise, keeping the whole group engaged. The next week it may be "I can ______." always adding only one or two new sight words at a time. Then the sentences can be combined. "I am a MONKEY and I can CLIMB TREES." Further along, I will write in the words and we will sound them out phonetically after they do the movement, before moving to the next child's turn. For another game the current sightwords are attached to the wall and the children run around and I will call out a sightword as they come around and they hit it with a swat frame. Learning always has a movement attached in the early stages.

11. Books are engaging and complex

Our early readers are created around the child. "My name is...," "I like..." The books I teach with are from Nora Gaydos [affiliate link.] The stories are repetitive, building skills slowly with the ability for mastery, but complex and rich with vibrant illustrations. The children want to know what is going to happen next, which keeps them moving forward and eager to read another book. And, they are very appealing to both girls and boys. Often traditional methods focus on very simplified books with simple illustrations. The focus is on the READING rather than the STORY. We focus on the story, with the reading as a by-product. We talk about the characters and the story, working on comprehension and analytical thinking. Again, engaging the child with what he is reading, providing meaning and context. Children learn new skills because they are useful and fascinating, not because someone says they have to do so. Retention and mastery are dramatically higher when children are engaged with their learning. The Gaydos books also introduce phonics, digraphs, blends, sightwords and advanced reading skills in a perfect timeline for easy mastery. Often, books used in schools do not.

12. Individualized instruction

Since I read books individually with each child, they are never allowed to develop bad habits. They flow through reading instruction in a very linear, clear method. Instant, constant correction keeps them on the correct path. Traditional methods of group instruction at the early stages of learning to read allow children to become muddled, develop bad habits and become afraid to speak up about their confusion or to participate out loud for fear of sounding wrong and being corrected in front of their peers. Individual instruction and attention is simply something that doesn't happen in traditional settings to the extent that it needs to in order to create excellent early readers.

13. Optimized Instruction Time

The children here have a choice of whether or not to read. Some days they are engaged in something else and don't want to do it. Some days they will read 5 books in a sitting. Some days they are tired and unable to focus, and I will decide that this is not the day to be reading. Traditional settings don't have that option to optimize instruction time.

14. Sight word Instruction

I believe that everything is learned better in context. My children learn their sightwords more through reading and me telling them that it is a sightword, than learning individual sightwords through other activities. Traditional methods teach a sightword then the child reads a book focusing on that sightword. It just isn't as engaging and meaningful. Any word is a sightword if a child sees it enough, and time spent reading, which occurs through engaging stories, is what makes a good reader. Once we get enough sightwords and phonics to begin reading my Nora Gaydos books, reading instruction occurs through READING only. Only if a child is having a really odd, difficult time with a specific word or sound will I add non-reading instruction, which is usually just a few seconds, a few times a day, for a few days before he will get it down pat. This focused attention to a specific issue for a specific child is more impactful than a general instruction to everyone.

15. Reading aloud

Children still in the preoperational stage have a lot of trouble reading silently. Or, they simply CAN'T. They also have a lot of trouble with comprehension, even if they have the ability to sound out and recognize words. Asking a child under 7 to read silently is not developmentally appropriate. My 5 year olds need to hear those phonics to spell out words and read. They need to associate the letter and word symbols to the sound representation. In traditional settings, unless reading together as a group, this can be unreasonable in a class of 28. One of the benefits, is that the children will correct one another if they hear something another child says that is off or wrong. They also will ask one another for assistance, and they usually provide the same answers I will give, such as "try to sound it out," "that's a sightword," "igh says I," and not just give the correct answer. Teaching another is a powerful learning tool. 

Mr. G 5yo

Reading ability, and time spent reading and being read to, are the key to a child's future success. Time spent on reading instruction is never wasted. I wish traditional school settings could incorporate more of my methods and allot more time for individual instruction. 

So many children under the age of 7 are being labeled failures for not being able to read, when they are simply just not YET in that developmental stage where they have the ability. The joy of reading and learning is being stripped from them for simply being young children. That is something I can't forgive or forget.

Siblings Blessing or Burden

A conversation with a client this week:

"How did he do with having his baby brother here today?"

"Fine." 

"I was afraid he would try to do too much. He's very responsible with him and likes to help out." 

"I let him know right off that the baby was MY job and MY responsibility and that if I needed him to help out as teacher's helper, which is his job this week, that I would let him know. He went merrily off to play."

You may think that siblings are a gift of one to another. That can be true. However, they are often a burden and that burden is created by adults.

One of the best gifts you can give an older child is to say about their younger sibling:

"He is NOT your job. 

He is NOT your responsibility."

I have heard so often, "Take care of your baby brother!" as a parent leaves. Seriously, that is the last thing they say as they walk out through the door. A 3 or 4 year old child is left with that as their parent's final farewell. 

It is a massive burden. 

It strips away your older child's childhood.

Children do naughty things. Children get hurt. Children get hungry or sad or frustrated and cry. As adults we know we can't make a child's life perfect for them, but a young child has no clue and just gets anxious, frustrated, fearful and depressed when they understand the futility and POWERLESSNESS of the position they have been tasked with by their parent.

It is not a good thing for either child. 

1. It teaches the older child to lie. If it is his responsibility, then he will do anything to make sure the younger sibling doesn't get into trouble. This means lying about what happens, usually blaming another, innocent, child.

2. The older child will do anything to make the younger child happy. That often means assisting them in participating in something physical the older child is doing, which can be dangerous or inappropriate for the younger one. The helping can take the form of lifting the child or in other ways manhandling the child that could cause harm, or placing them higher or on more precarious places than a younger child should be accessing. 

By getting into physical positions with help, the younger child doesn't build the necessary skills to do so independently safely, and by not getting there himself, he lacks any knowledge of how to get out or down, let alone safely. Helping a child do anything physical is always a bad idea. They need to get there on their own, with some coaching, not physical manipulation. 

3. Also in making the younger child happy, the older one may sneak foods, steal toys from others, harm other children to allow their younger sibling to have an undeserved turn at an activity and in many way undermine the foundations of a good community. 

The older sibling wouldn't be doing this without the weight of responsibility, so it is turning a perfectly good child into one who is doing not good things, and developing not good habits. 

The younger sibling, on the other hand, is learning that she can get what she wants whenever she wants, doesn't have to wait, how to bully, and getting spoiled.

This week:

"[Mr. H], that is NOT her toy. Just because she wants it doesn't mean she gets it. It is not your job to make your sister happy, but it IS your job to follow the rules and be a nice person. Please give that back to him."

4. The older sibling spends so much time worrying and care taking over the younger child that they lose the ability to just play, be with their friends, and relax. They are constantly on the lookout for the younger one, and constantly intervening whenever anything goes even a bit sideways. 

The younger sibling doesn't learn proper coping mechanisms, patience, and social norms. Gaps can emerge in their development when the younger one is pushed by the older one into participating at a higher level before ready. The younger one isn't allowed to develop at their natural pace.

Yesterday:

Mr. R to his friends: "I can't play right now, I need to get [baby brother] calmed down."

Me across the room: "He is NOT your responsibility. He's mine. He's fine. His bottle is almost ready. Go play."

5. When things go wrong, and they will go wrong, the older sibling feels responsible. He wasn't watching close enough, he wasn't near enough, he wasn't good enough to keep the younger sibling from getting hurt, either physically or emotionally. 

Couple that with a parent or adult that immediately demands harshly of the older sibling, "What happened?" It makes that burden even weightier. The proper response is to take care of the younger one, reassure the older one, and casually ask the older one if he saw what happened without a harsh grilling.

6. I have seen parents punish an older child for what a younger one did. Why? "You are old enough you should have stopped him or at least come and told me what he was doing!" Again, making the older child responsible, rather than acknowledging their own lack of parental supervision. 

It isn't fair to rely on a 3-6 year old to supervise an infant - 5 year old. There are plenty of videos on Youtube showing what children can get up to when left unsupervised. GOOD KIDS. For just a few minutes. Be the adult. Supervise your own children or hire someone else to do it. Take parental responsibility and don't lay it in any way in your older child's direction.

I, my brother and mom

I know many adults who hold resentment, and even trauma, due to a burdensome responsibility for their sibling(s) placed upon them by the adults in their lives. It can not only alter and even eliminate a happy, content childhood, it can change a person for life. 

I have a friend whose little brother died from a drug overdose when they were teens. She still blames herself nearly 50 years later for not being able to intervene enough to save him. She was tasked with taking care of her brother from an early age.

Give your child the gift of a sibling, not the burden.
parenting, parents, pre-k, sister, brother, sibling rivalry, development, child care, childcare, daycare, preschool, toddlers

Children and Boredom

I received this question from one of the people I am mentoring:

"How can I create lessons so that the children won't be bored?"

It got me thinking about children and boredom, because the two just don't mix.

All human beings are born with an unlimited capacity and drive for exploration and learning. Infants use all their senses to explore anything and everything with which they come into contact.

So what happens? Why do children get bored? Why does it seem to be more of a problem these days?

I can tell you exactly why children get bored:

They aren't allowed to entertain themselves. Babies should be held and interacted with as much as possible in the early months. Often, though, babies continue to be held, contained and entertained most of their waking time when they should be exploring on their own. Babies today are held, placed into stationary contraptions or placed into safe areas with limited, non-rotating toys. Babies don't need baby toys, they need exploration opportunities. Give a baby a whisk and even at 4 months old their eyes light up because it is something NEW and to them, extraordinary. That word EXTRA-ordinary. It can be an ordinary object, but to a baby or child, anything new is extraordinary. From 6 months on, children need to be down, freely exploring new and varied materials, textures and environments, building and utilizing skills.

They aren't allowed to do individual exploration. So often today children are told what to do, where to go. They aren't allowed to venture forth to check out the world on their own. I had a conversation with a mom who was very irritated that her one year old kept moving the backdoor back and forth one day while she had it open. She couldn't get the little one to stop. I asked why she wanted the child to stop. She didn't have a good answer, she just felt it was not appropriate behavior. I explained how moving the door back and forth shifted light patterns, shifted any breeze patterns coming through the screen door, had heft for gross motor control practice, probably created noise changes as he could hear outside and inside noises differently, he was learning about arcs and physics. SO MUCH LEARNING at play, with a mother demanding that he stop.

They aren't allowed to play as they wish with items. "That's not how we play with cars." "That's not a toy." "No, here's how you do it." "Stack the blocks up high." You wouldn't think saying something like "Stack the blocks up high," would be a bad thing, but it imposes our own idea of what is to be done with the blocks, rather than the child's. Maybe she wants to line them up, or use them as pretend food, or carry them in a purse. So often we want adults and teacher playing with children, but too often the play is then directed by the adult and their narrow in-the-box view of how play should go. Children don't just "think outside of the box," to them, there is no box. WE adults create the boxes for them. WE limit their imagination. WE limit their ability to play and explore. By suggesting how a child should play, our powerful influence through how they wish to please and imitate us, eliminates immeasurable ways that THEY may have chosen to play. 

They are told no. It's a freakin' spatula. Let the kid play with it. Before taking an item from a child, really assess if it is necessary to do so, or if you are simply making a knee-jerk reaction because you don't see it as a "toy." We need to get out of the idea that children need toys and into the idea that children need to explore anything and everything around them that is safe to do so. So your toddler loves the Tupperware. Let him play with it. It will wash. Create a home where your child will only hear NO if a situation is unsafe, meaning where she will harm something valuable, herself, another person or living thing.

We do for them rather than teach them. Maria Montessori said, "Never do for a child what he can do for himself." I live by that. Even the two year old here is folding towels, sweeping, helping to dress herself, etc. The goal is to raise competent, resourceful, polite human beings. We do them no service when we don't allow them opportunities to practice and gain skills as soon as they are ready. When we shut down a child's emerging independence because we are too impatient, too time-crunched, we tell them, "You can't do it." "You can't do it well enough." "This doesn't matter." "Your needs are not as important as my needs." You find children try less hard. They try to do fewer things. They give up quicker. They begin to more and more look to the adults in their lives for what they SHOULD be doing, HOW to do it and WHEN. See where this is going?

We instill unnecessary fear. "Get down from there before you get hurt." One of the worst things an adult can do is to save a child. Instead, they should teach the child how to get out of the situation on his/her own. If it happened with your back turned once, more than likely it will happen again. Giving skills rather than help is a much better approach. Rather than helping a child gain skills to be competent, we tell them they are NOT competent and not to do something. This is more true with girls, but it is true as well with boys, especially in our helicopter parenting world. We shut children down, not allowing exploring, risking, learning, allowing them to find their own limits, to learn the skills necessary, to set goals, grow and accomplish. Children in fear will not attempt new things, even simple ones, either completely or at least not without hesitation. Children living with a sense of bravery will assess risks, make a determination, and proceed with knowledge, experience, and skills. They will seek help in their endeavors as necessary, and be willing to face failure.

LOVE this:

We don't embrace failure. Failure = First Attempt In Learning. From the beginning children are taught the "right" way to do things. If they don't do it the "right" way, they are corrected at least, put down at worst. The one thing we have majorly forgotten is the importance of praising EFFORT. Effort will get children farther in life than anything else, but we praise perfection over trying. So they fear trying because they fear not being able to do it perfectly. While some children are natural perfectionists, in general, this need to be the best, to be the smartest, to be perfect, is instilled by adults. The freedom to fail is one of the greatest gifts we can give to children. 

We don't give them time. Children are expected to conform to adult schedules. It's time for this, so let's go. No matter what children are doing, they are expected to abandon it without fuss to be moved to the next "important" activity as deemed by the adults in their lives. They aren't allowed to immerse themselves, without any type of time limit, in exploration. That sense of impending loss hovers over them constantly as they play. We put their toys away, their activity away, when the time is up. There is no leaving it for the next day, no chance to come back with a new perspective to tweak and re-do. There is little chance to fully explore, to their heart's content, materials and experiences. 

We expect them to play with toys with a purpose. The toy phone is a phone. You push the buttons on the phone. You listen to the sounds it makes. You pretend to use the phone. This takes almost no imagination and there is almost no exploration past about a minute of initial introduction. It is what it is, it does what it does. Unstructured toys such as blocks, can be ANYTHING. They can be animals, people, food, etc. Their only purpose is what the child makes of them. These are the toys they need. 

We don't provide free outdoor time in a true outdoor space. Children are outside at home in manicured yards. Most child care facilities have large climbers with mulch underneath. Period. Children aren't finding pine cones, bugs, digging in the dirt and carrying buckets of stuff from one place to another. They aren't allowed to use sticks as magic wands, swords, markers, dolls. They can't go barefoot to feel the grass, rocks, mud. "Don't touch that!" "Don't get dirty." Even when outside, we tell children very often that the outside is NOT a place for exploration, when it is the ULTIMATE place for exploration. 

Children today spend less time outdoors than any other generation, devoting only four to seven minutes to unstructured outdoor play per day while spending an average of seven and a half hours in front of electronic media. [source]

They don't do art, they do crafts. How often do children bring home these perfect crafts that look identical to everyone else's in the class? This isn't art. This isn't imagination and exploration. This is doing what you are told, with the expectation of perfection. Give a child a lump of clay and they can spend an hour with it, if they have experience and feel comfortable in being a true ARTIST. They should be allowed to explore materials, their viscosity, their malleability, their weight and other properties. THEN can they create their own masterpieces with them. When we have children do pre-determined crafts, we box up their innate artistic genius. 

They aren't exposed to a variety of music. Kids songs are great, but children are born with musical ability. Exposing them to zydeco, Indian flute music, Asian music, classical, blues & jazz, not only gives them a greater musical perspective, it lets them find their own musical passion. Dancing, making music and listening to music are all another form of exploration that many children are severely stunted in doing.

They are given electronics as a quick solution. Rather than having a child make a mess or having to assist them in exploration, it is much easier to just plop them in front of an iPad or TV. When they claim to be bored, an easy solution is to provide electronics. Electronics for children benefit adults, not children. Children need to be using their imaginations and exploring their real world, not escaping into a fantasy one.

They buy in, like adults, to the concept that education = learning. That it takes a teacher to teach in an academic setting to learn. Actually, most learning takes place through children's observations and experimentation in everyday life. But children usually don't research, practice or experiment anymore on their own. They don't identify a passion and immerse within it. They don't push to learn things not taught in school. They simply wait around until someone tells them it is time to practice, time to learn, what to learn, what to practice. I remember studying botany over the summer, on my own, and my brothers wondering why I would have my nose in a book and off doing experiments when I didn't HAVE TO. The thing about passions, is that the HAVE TO is internal, not external. Children need to find internal motivation to increase their knowledge and skills without being ordered about to do so. This type of learning, is what sticks. When children have a passion, all other learning gains purpose and meaning. When I child develops a passion for trains, suddenly reading becomes a necessary skill, math had a purpose to count the cars on the track, and so many other taught skills suddenly become important and relevant. Things that were once boring, are now fascinating. There is suddenly not enough time in the day to learn and do all the things the child can come up with to perform.
My Mr. H was at his grandma's one day and she told me that he played outside, by himself, all day. Happily. She thanked me for that. 

One of the boys was in time out last week and played with a string on his sock the entire time. He continued to do it when he came out of time out.

I had a 6 year old boy come as a drop-in one day last summer. He entered my 1/2 acre natural backyard and immediately said, "I'm bored.' He stood around, asking to go in, until we did so. He had no clue how to play and explore. Once inside, he wanted to watch TV. He couldn't see a place filled with exploration opportunities. 

It is amazing that older children that I get in have to be TAUGHT how to play. They don't know how. They can't break past the tight constraints put upon them since infancy in how they explore. They don't have the capacity to rely on their own imagination and abilities. They need to be told what to do, how to do it, when, where, why. They have not lost, but been stripped, of their innate curiosity. 

This is why children are bored. A bored child is not natural. Play is how they learn, much more so than academics.

You notice the overlying reason children are bored? 

Unnecessary or limiting adult intervention in every aspect of their ability to play, explore. learn and entertain themselves, from infancy.

I find this very, very sad.
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